Tuesday, 31 March 2009

Crazy is as crazy does

Sweet Jesus1, it's official. Today shall henceforth be known as Mood Swing Tuesday.

Since the moment my alarm clock yanked me out of sweet slumber this morning, I’ve proceeded to run the entire gamut of emotions. From gushing over my newly-pregnant buddy’s first visit to the gynae’ (awww)… to fuming over insensitive twits in the office (I’m very sensitive, you know)… to laughing at random silly things (it doesn’t take much)… to feeling sheer elation over having confirmed plans to go for pizza and wine next week (yes, I’m a loser)… to slumping into the depths of despair over the distinct lack of direction in my so-called life (‘tis indeed bleak).2 And all this before lunchtime. Eish.

One minute I feel like breaking out into song while frolicking in fields of daffodils (like a wacky hippy). Very Disney-esque. But then suddenly that happy feeling is replaced by a strong compulsion to violently rip the heads off selected co-workers, using nothing but my bare hands and well-manicured claws. Godzilla-esque. And then back to the happy place. And then off to Godzillaville again. Sheesh, it’s enough to make a girl dizzy!

(Hmmm, one has to ponder… After I go postal, will the CSI guys be able to track down my blog and read this post? It probably wouldn’t help my case in court. Though it might secure me a nice little padded cell and an endless supply of Schedule 6 drugs! Hey, that doesn’t actually sound so bad! [And would it be the guys from CSI Miami or CSI Las Vegas? Personally, I’m rooting for the latter. That Horatio and his naff quips make me want to throw up a little!])

Anyway, what’s up with these mood swings, hey? Time for a holiday, perhaps? Maybe more frequent visits to the gym to work off some of that ‘tension’? Or how about a complete change of scenery? Maybe I should quit my job, sell all my earthly possessions and then head for the hills where Phoebe (my cat) and I would live off the land, foraging for berries and killing bears to make warm winter coats 3 . Sure, I’d miss having a telly but on the upside, I’d never, ever have to worry about visiting Anita my Hairdresser again to have my roots touched up. Because let’s face it, nature doesn’t judge.

1 To be pronounced ‘hay-soos’ for more effect.
2 No, it’s not PMS.
3 Oh relax, I would never kill a bear. For one, they’re so big and fluffy and cuddly. And secondly, Africa doesn’t have any bears.

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