Tuesday, 27 May 2008

Sweet kitteh vs bad neighbour - Round 1

Fumes. I'm surrounded by them - and I gotsta tell you - they're intoxicating. Sadly, they're not the good kind of fumes. They're stinky nail polish fumes. Thing is, the powers that be in the company I work for have taken pity on us minions, and have treated us to a 'wellness week'.

Yesterday, the guys from Discovery Health came in, pin-pricked our fingers, took our measurements and read us our fortune. The good news is my cholesterol is A-OK (must be all that red wine!) though my blood pressure is little low. The worst part though was the BMI crap stuff - there's no feeling of 'wellness' in having complete strangers weigh and measure you. Whatever. Anyway, back to those fumes. Today being day two, they set up a mini spa in one of the boardrooms and I had a mini-manicure. How fab for me! I went with dark red talons and I think they look pretty damn hot, though as I said, they reek. So much so, it has prevented me from working. Instead I've been surfing the web and checking out some blogs. (I'm a little concerned that my blog is dead-boring and considering I've been waffling on about my painted nails, I rest my case. So I'll keep this brief.)

I had a nice weekend. Wound down on the Sunday by going to a chick-flick (Made of Honor). I came out feeling quite chipper until I switched on my mobile and found a message from my neighbour. Him and his girlfriend moved in quite recently and I haven't really had a chance to suss them out, due in large to their lack of 'passing neighbour friendliness'. Imagine my horror when I listened to his voice mail which detailed how my cat had apparently 'broken' into their home and viciously attacked their 'animals'!!! WTF?!?!?

(To put you in the picture, my cat (Phoebe) is a lovely pussycat who is terrified of each fellow member of her feline species, as well as pizza delivery boys. She's sweet and lovely, and unless you're a gecko, completely harmless. )

I immediately phoned the Tosser back to find out more. According to his sob story, Phoebe is in their place very often (doubtful), especially in the middle of the night (blatant lie) and has viciously attacked said Tosser's three-month old kittens (oh puhleeeeeeze!) I asked him if he had witnessed this so-called attack and no, he hadn't but he
suspects it was Phoebe. What a jerk! The 'hood is riddled with bad-ass tom cats who are 'itchin' for a beatin' but as none of them wear tags and collars, there's no proof.

He told me I need to sort out my cat. Okay Dumb-ass, I'll give her a stern talking to and read her the riot act. Whatever. I told him to keep his windows closed so his kittens don't become cat food. And we kinda left it at that. What a jerk.

Not that I need to prove my apparently-bad kitty's innocence or anything but here are a couple of pics I have of her...

I ask you, does this look to you like an evil cat?

I mean, c'mon...

But hey, if it's war he wants, it's war he'll get. Bring it.

Okay, typing not good for newly gorgeous nails. Must go home now....

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